One of the things that became clear to me as I’ve journeyed from that shameful pew to now is that overcoming those entrenched lessons is not accidental. It takes deliberate, head-on work to unlearn decades of society telling us sex is bad, our bodies are shameful, and our natural desires are unnatural and unclean. So […]
Author: enmlawyer
On Intimacy
This post is responsive to a prompt from Twitter, which reads: I’d be curious as to your take on sexual/emotional intimacy with other people & how that affects your partnership in ENM. Navigating what kind of intimacy is acceptable between you and your partner when it comes to other people is complex. Your thoughts would […]
On Compersion
I cannot tell you how very much I hate the word “compersion.” Not the idea, just the word. The idea of compersion is the joy you feel for someone else’s joy, particularly in the context of ENM. I remember the first time I felt compersion in an identifiable l way. My ex-husband was being seriously […]
On Language
So far I’ve referenced ethical non-monogamy (ENM), polyamory, and swinging in this blog, and we’re only three posts deep including this one. So let’s refine some terminology as it will be used here. I’m not trying to make rules for everyone – these are for context as you read my works only. Polyamory: multiple romantic […]
On Progress
The most in my own I’ve ever felt sexually has been at a swing club, at least until I found NSFW/ENM Twitter. Good clubs set out a few ground rules that make it feel very safe to be overtly sexual there as a woman. That’s the baseline. But a general ethos in swinging is that […]
On Beginnings
I was reflecting last night on the work I have had to do to deconstruct my own notions of healthy sexuality as a woman in 21st century United States of America. My husband and I were talking about how, despite being active members of a community that engages in ethical non-monogamy, we still see a […]